BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

He pulls my hair He slaps me in my face  I often wonder how i got here in the first place ? The man I love is hurting me  How could this be ? Here I am curled up on the floor With No strength to wak right out the door  I wish I knew his reason why My heart wont let me leave him & it hurts too much to try I  wonder if this is how my life will be From now until the very day I die  He apologizes every time  My response baby it's fine But deep down I know it'll happen again.... It's ONLY a matter of time !!! 

Disclaimer : In this piece I'm referring to myself . I'm speaking from my own personal experience as well as what pertains to me. I can't speak for any one else but me.. ENJOY !!!   Insecurities : I bet you've heard a lot of females say either to or about their boyfriends . "He made me this way , he made me insecure "  Umm come again ? Wanna run that by me one more time ? That's absolutely false . That's the thickest bullshit I've heard a lot of females try to convince themselves as well as others that their insecurities stem from the actions of their partner ..Well I wholeheartedly disagree...  Yes ma'am I certainly do ...   Insecurities are pre-existing conditions , they are well planted seeds . Your partner may have watered that plant but he didn't plant the seed .  There are underlying reasons as to why we behave the way we do , why we react the way we do , why we communicate the way do etc  Prime Example : I use to be very insecure , I...

All you ever did was make me cry My soul slowly died True love is a gift  You let it drift  you can only go for so long Doing the one you claim to love so wrong Before too much is enough You look up Find your love gone I pleaded for you not to allow love to lose We could have rode it through  I was reaching for you Now here you are singing the blues  ***you might have found another lover but you always started with Chelly like the letter "C" ** 

I know most people are wondering what my secret could possibly be. Well , I'm happy to be in a place where I can confidently & comfortably share this information with others. In 2010, I was diagnosed with severe depression , bipolar and anxiety disorder.  I'm proud of myself for how I've managed my illness thus far. In the past few years,since the onset of this terrible mental disorders, I have somehow risen to the occasion and been able to manage this with the grace I never thought I had. Every single day is a challenge and I'm guessing I'm the best person for this job otherwise I wouldn't have it. Given my African background, I observed early on that the concept of "mental health" didn't resonate equally among cultures despite a need. How individuals are brought up among stigma can make them loathe admitting emotional struggles to a physician or rather a 'complete stranger'. My interest in Psychiatry stems mainly from such experiences...

I come from a long line of hurt and pain  Got betrayed by a man I would die for   Lost a grandmother I would kill for  Lost a great grandmother I would commit crimes for  Lost an uncle I would go violent for  Lost a friend I would go gay for  I live for a woman I would never astray for  Diagnosis from cancer to mental    All series of events hit to the very core  Contemplated going on board just to jump off shore  Feelings I've tried extremely hard to ignore  This ain't no ol' regular outpour  This is an internal war  The declaration of the fear of my mortality  What's the outlook of my finale ?  What legacy would I leave when I have yet to plant my seed ?  In my hands are rosery beads as I ask God to devour me of all my enemies  On my shoulders I carry a ton of penalties I wish I could cleanse myself of such pedigree... 😔😔😔😔 🔫🔫🔫

"Love is not blind-It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less." - Will Moss Lovers are often blind to their beloved's negative traits and tend to create an idealized image of their beloved. We often love the idealized object rather than the real one. Are we then blind when we fall in love and when we maintain it?  In a surprising number of cases, people fall in love with their idealized vision of their lovers, or with the idea of being in love, rather than with the actual reality of their lovers. Indeed people often say that they are living out their dreams with their loved ones. Positive illusions are in fact central to romance. Lovers do not see clearly, if at all, their beloved's negative traits and tend to create an idealized image of the beloved. Is this conducive ? I certainly don't believe so  Instead of turning a blind eye or loving the "potential" of your lover. Why don't you face the reality of your partne...