Internal conflict

I come from a long line of hurt and pain 
Got betrayed by a man I would die for  
Lost a grandmother I would kill for 
Lost a great grandmother I would commit crimes for 
Lost an uncle I would go violent for 
Lost a friend I would go gay for 
I live for a woman I would never astray for 
Diagnosis from cancer to mental   
All series of events hit to the very core 
Contemplated going on board just to jump off shore 
Feelings I've tried extremely hard to ignore 
This ain't no ol' regular outpour 
This is an internal war 
The declaration of the fear of my mortality 
What's the outlook of my finale ? 
What legacy would I leave when I have yet to plant my seed ? 
In my hands are rosery beads as I ask God to devour me of all my enemies 
On my shoulders I carry a ton of penalties I wish I could cleanse myself of such pedigree... 😔😔😔😔 🔫🔫🔫




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