Dating a man with a child




Falling in love with a person who has a child can be scary and overwhelming—a whole lot of serious within a short time. But take it from me—it can open your eyes and your heart in ways you could have never imagined and will be unlike any other relationship you ever will have.
meeting someone who fits your every wish, someone who is overwhelmingly made for you and fits all the love story clichés, like making you forget every single other person in the world…except the one other person he can’t let you forget—his kid.
I had never imagined getting involved with someone who had a child. However, as I soon learned, dating is like a game of duck-duck-goose, and  you can’t help who your heart lands on.
The very first time I met his daughter, I was brimming with anxiety. It was our second date and I was a nervous wreck. My mind was racing ; I played out several different scenarios in my head. I was worried that I would meet her and fall in love and then come to find out-him and I wouldn’t work. I wanted it to be the opposite, I wanted to know him and I were going to work out BEFORE meeting her. That was not his way of thinking however, he wanted to see how she was with me and have her grinning vote of approval before investing any more. And let me tell you, one look at that smile and I was gone. I fell head over heels for the angel. And maybe it’s just me, as an human service worker I am pre-programmed to love children but oh my, this one. She was the exact replica of the man who was stealing my heart and I was no longer immune to them both. That kind of package deal is horribly intimidating because what if you wind up liking one and not the other?! What if the child hates your guts? Most parents will say that they couldn’t date someone who their child didn’t approve of, but the age-old “wicked stepmother” haunted my stereotypical nightmares.
To be completely honest I didn't know if I wanted to pursue the relationship much further Granted I love kids but dating a man with a child comes with a lot of responsibilities and challenges , I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to embark on such a journey.
Dating a man with a child has its challenges . Schedule changes , finances , the constant fear of potentially overstepping your boundaries , discipline etc. I love her like she's my own and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her , I'm thankful that her and I get along great. However , when she is being naughty ; I have a hard time disciplining her so I leave that up to her dad . I don't think it's my place to do it as of yet . I think I will be in a better position to do it once her father and I walk down that aisle💎💍 ( correct me if I'm wrong). There is a lot of sacrifices and commitment that goes into dating a man with a child . It's not uncommon for a woman to feel a tad bit insecure when her man and the mother of his child are constantly communicating in regards to their child . That's not necessarily the case for me ; their communication does not bother me whatsoever . I trust my man whole heartedly and quite frankly i can't constantly worry about what my boyfriend is doing . If he is going to cheat ; hes going to find a way to do it regardless . So I won't burden myself with the responsibility of checking if something suspicious is going on. I don't have the time nor the energy. I dove head first into a dynamic that I had never been a part of before. However I have learned so much already, but I am well aware that I still have a lot to learn down the road. I had noticed that there seems to be an increase in relationships involving people who have children from previous relationships and I would have loved to have a little advice beforehand myself. The following are a few little hints if you really want to make a relationship work with a mommy.

RELATIONSHIP WITH BM
This seems to be something I have observed with other relationships similar to mine. Your attitude will determine everything. It is 100% the difference in having this situation be dramatic and hostile, or having it be a friendship. This person will be very wary and cautious of you, you will have a major role in their child’s life and they want to make sure it is only positive and healthy. 
Show that person that you are serious, that you are invested, responsible, and respectful toward the biological parents’ relationship and role 100%. Depending on how involved the other parent is, there is no reason for you to be the “mother” or the —they already have one.
Watch what you say to other people, do not judge or critique their parenting skills, be as polite and kindhearted as possible. It makes it easier on the child, easier on the ex, and will generally create a peaceful life you want to be living. Consider yourself all a part of one big team working to make that little baby have the best life possible—you all pull your weight and check your resentment at the door.

Realize that their child will always come first. Always. Get the idea that they won’t out of your head. All potential exciting plans can and will be canceled in a 10-minute span if baby is sick or the other parent can’t take them. This is different from people who start out dating with no one else’s schedule to manage but their own. You will need to be able to be flexible and agreeable to this because otherwise it will create a rift. Dinner, drinks, movies, trips, etc. will always be there—the baby will not always be little. Be understanding and patient. If you are dating someone who doesn’t put their child first, then you should not be dating them in the first place—plain and simple. It is their job as a parent to do so; it’s not an insult nor neglectful toward you. 


My 
favorite moment is having my boyfriend’s little girl crawl into bed with me to snuggle; it makes me dream of the days when it will be us 3 and then another one or 2 that are mine and his together. My heart warms up when I see him tickle and play with her, when I see this burly tough guy changing pampers, braiding hair or building her a Barbie table set . It is an intimate and personal side of them that you don’t get to see normally until you are a biological part of that picture as well. It’s like watching a window into the future and knowing that he will treat your babies like gold, just like how he treats her. That kind of reassurance takes the guesswork out of wondering “Will he be a good dad?” He already is. That fear gets washed away every time she runs over to me or squeezes my hand when she is sleeping. I am in love with her almost as much as I’m in love with her daddy. That is a whole lot of love to get tossed your way in a short amount of time and sometimes you want to explode. But it is the closest feeling I have ever felt to magic and I will never forget it. The fear of potentially not being with him and losing her in the process is always in the back of my mind, but the idea that maybe I could have them both in my life forever completely trumps it 





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