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Becoming, Out Loud A Year of Trying New Things

 This year, I am choosing newness not in a loud or performative way but in a quiet and intentional one. For a long time, I have lived responsibly. I have shown up for others. I have planned, managed, carried, and poured. Somewhere along the way, curiosity took a back seat. Joy became something I promised myself one day. This year, I decided that one day is now. I am making plans too learn to tap dance not because I want to be good at it but because I want to remember what it feels like to be a beginner. To let my body move without needing to impress anyone. To make noise, miss steps, and still come back. I will be attending plays, musicals, comedy shows, and operas. Sitting in rooms where art is alive. Letting myself be stirred, amused, challenged, and inspired. Sometimes I will go with friends. Sometimes I will go alone. Both matter. I am also caring for parts of myself I used to ignore. Addressing insecurities instead of pretending they do not exist. Microneedling. Lip blush...
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From Revelation to a Book-worthy Journey

 Single, married, divorced, and single again that became the unexpected chapter sequence of my life. In my twenties, I squandered my single season. No guidance, no intentional preparation, no wisdom or discernment. I rushed into marriage, believing love and good intentions would be enough to sustain a covenant that actually requires maturity and understanding. When that marriage ended in divorce, I wasn’t just heartbroken  I was humiliated. I still remember attending a funeral back home in Worcester. I came back home, opened Facebook, and saw a message from a young woman I knew of but had never spoken to. She wrote, “My friend in Virginia said she heard your marriage ended, so I wanted to confirm.” I froze. News of my pain had traveled across states. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. The embarrassment felt louder than my grief. That moment marked the beginning of my unraveling  but also, unknowingly, the beginning of my rebuilding. It took me two full yea...
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Laughed through the pain

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2021 literally chewed me up and spat me out. The most trying time of my life without a shadow of a doubt.   To say it was a dark time in my life would  certainly be an understatement.  I don’t think words can fully convey how Rough it was. Words cannot begin to expound on my experience.  I vividly remember feeling like my entire world was falling apart yet I was still expected to function as a mom , employee , daughter , entrepreneur , sister etc  I could be in a room full of people yet feel extremely lonely and unseen .  To make matters worst , you see the uncomfortable stares and  hear the whispers, murmurs at certain functions .  You want nothing more than to desperately defend/explain yourself yet you’re advised and convicted to attain the maturity to remain still and quiet . It makes you feel defeated , Violated and robbed of your peace and dignity. It feels as though a piece of my soul was violently ripped out of me. I will neve...
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To the mom that thinks she’s not a good enough mom

Just one of those weeks where my mom guilt is relatively heavy. As I enter this blog post my eyes well up with tears with these sporadic feelings of distress.  Mom guilt is the shoulds, the supposed to’s, and the other moms are… clanking around in your head as you try to make it through the day.  Mom guilt has many origins, from internal conflict to societal pressures , social media, etc etc etc.  Parenting doesn’t come with a manual well it kinda does if you’re a believer but that doesn’t negate its challenges .  According to scripture every woman who's been blessed with motherhood should treat the role with the utmost respect and responsibility. Women play a  unique role in the lives  of their children which also adds to the pressure .  It’s that heavy sigh of feeling like you’re  just not good enough – that’s what I  feel at times.  You wouldn’t see it.  You’d probably see the outer version of me. Us moms? We’re really really goo...
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Balancing Motherhood and Entrepreneurship

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Sha ring a title of an Entrepreneur and Mother is difficult to say the very least, and there definitely isn’t a specific manual to make it work. So throw being a good mother in that mix. If only half businesses make it through, that means half of them fail. Starting a start-up company is one of the hardest things you will ever do. (talk about the start up cost, the time invested to perfect everything, time away from family etc etc etc).  Motherhood is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. So what happens when you choose not one, but two careers doing the toughest jobs there are? A lot happens....A WHOLE LOT !!! Accept the fact that there  is  no work-life balance.  I’ve learned to embrace the fact that there is no family/work separation. Just like being a parent isn’t a 9-to-6  job, neither is being an entrepreneur. While I’m on the road at 6 am to my full time job , I’m also on the phone sending text messages , emails , to do lists to hubby etc, I...
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PREGNANCY JOURNEY

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                    My husband and I got married on May 12th of 2018; we were more than ready and thrilled to expand our family. However, it didn't happen as quickly as we had hoped therefore we took it into prayer asking our heavenly   father to bless us with the fruit of the womb before the year ended. Our expectation was to conceive before the year ended. That was more so , my husband's request; my attitude was more so lord whenever you see fit let it be done. My husband however said no, before the year ends we will get pregnant.         After countless pregnancy tests; they all came back negative. In addition to already feeling discouraged; it didn’t make the process any easier when church members (especially) , and peers would inquire when we planned on expanding our family and how they felt it was a bad idea to wait too long to have children.  Now the seed had been planted ; here I am constantl...
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Things I’ve learned over the course of mommying

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Sleep is a thing of the past ; there are days where I’m up 24 hours straight because Eira would much rather play than sleep at night . Sometimes she’s up til  6am  and I have to be at work for  7. Surprisingly I’ve grown accustomed to functioning on zero sleep 🤷🏽‍♀️   I was unaware of the ins and outs of FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act ), short term disability, maternity leave etc . I I ran out of PTO prior to my maternity leave due to the countless hospital visits therefore during my leave I had to pay for my insurance out of pocket. Thankfully I had enrolled in short term disability therefore I received a lump sum of money 2 weeks after delivery. However , that money wasn’t enough to cover my monthly bills , health insurance etc so I had to dip into our savings. I spent approximately 10k while out on maternity leave for 3 months . (It covered Eira and l’s health insurance , deductible for labor ,  weekly appts to the Eira’s doctor , formula etc etc ) ....
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