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Laughed through the pain

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2021 literally chewed me up and spat me out. The most trying time of my life without a shadow of a doubt.   To say it was a dark time in my life would  certainly be an understatement.  I don’t think words can fully convey how Rough it was. Words cannot begin to expound on my experience.  I vividly remember feeling like my entire world was falling apart yet I was still expected to function as a mom , employee , daughter , entrepreneur , sister etc  I could be in a room full of people yet feel extremely lonely and unseen .  To make matters worst , you see the uncomfortable stares and  hear the whispers, murmurs at certain functions .  You want nothing more than to desperately defend/explain yourself yet you’re advised and convicted to attain the maturity to remain still and quiet . It makes you feel defeated , Violated and robbed of your peace and dignity. It feels as though a piece of my soul was violently ripped out of me. I will neve...
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DOUBTS

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 You know that voice in your head that says… You can’t do it. You’ll never be  good enough . You’re going to fail. This voice taunts you whenever you set a goal. It criticizes you when life gets difficult. It beats you down when you struggle to stand up against its running commentary. You're not alone  I experience self doubt more often than not . It is awful , I am my own worst critic. I have this terrible habit of doubting myself. My worst fear is not "making" it so I tend to overwhelm myself when not warranted. My fear of failure probes me to over exert myself and that's not entirely healthy . At one point or another, we all question whether or not we are doing enough, making enough money, or if we are going to be “successful” enough. I know this firsthand, as I’ve spent long periods of my young adult life in a persistent state of  fear and self-doubt . Ive held onto jobs, toxic relationships, and draining friendships because I thought that if I left the...
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Internal conflict

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I come from a long line of hurt and pain  Got betrayed by a man I would die for   Lost a grandmother I would kill for  Lost a great grandmother I would commit crimes for  Lost an uncle I would go violent for  Lost a friend I would go gay for  I live for a woman I would never astray for  Diagnosis from cancer to mental    All series of events hit to the very core  Contemplated going on board just to jump off shore  Feelings I've tried extremely hard to ignore  This ain't no ol' regular outpour  This is an internal war  The declaration of the fear of my mortality  What's the outlook of my finale ?  What legacy would I leave when I have yet to plant my seed ?  In my hands are rosery beads as I ask God to devour me of all my enemies  On my shoulders I carry a ton of penalties I wish I could cleanse myself of such pedigree... 😔😔😔😔 🔫🔫🔫
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