Is the first year of marriage the hardest ???

Is the first year of marriage really the hardest?

The answer varies from one married couple to another, but most couples would agree it’s one of the hardest years of marriage. I however beg to differ ; I believe it’s an old myth that has permeated our society. Since people have accepted this myth as fact they often times live by it.
Needless if you expect it to be difficult , guess what it will be . Don’t forget life and death lies in the tongue. This is how it usually unfolds
When problems/crises arise you won’t make a conscious effort to fix it. Why?  because "it’s suppose to be hard" so why even bother ?
Why bother to make amends?, why be intentional , why bother to apologize? , why bother to care ?, why bother to makeup, why bother to compromise? Why bother ?  You’re okay with tension and u rest in your home.

I would like to ask why did you bother to get married in the first place if you had no real intention of fighting/ working for it? **Well that’s a conversation for another day** 

I believe it’s time we dispel this myth that marriage specifically the first year is suppose to be difficult and demonstrate that some Godly marriages have proven otherwise and have transcended barriers that the carnal mind could never fathom.

Listening and reading blogs on first year marriage stories, i got the revelation that the outcome we experience is mostly contingent on the foundation the marriage was built on. It is true that devil does not like marriages and creeps in when you make yourself available. However , we can be our devil with our negative attitudes/depositions.Marriage is what you make it . People shouldn't be able to impose their experiences on you . Grace and favor is available to all but we must also do our part. 

God promised us a happy and fulfilling God purposed marriage therefore we have to exercise faith to attain such a gift. This does not mean the marriage will be problem/ stress free what it simply means is that you have a better way of resolving crises when they arise. It also means that you have an anchor to hold you two down when the going gets tough.
We can appreciate and value what God had originally designed marriage to do which is provide companionship, spiritual intimacy, the ability to pursue and practice the Laws of the Kingdom together etc.

The most common misconception that may lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction in the first year of marriage is when people think they have found their soulmate - "Someone who will complete you". The problem with looking to another person/ spouse to complete you is that spiritually that is Idolatry ( A sin) We are only to find fulfillment, comfort and purpose in God, If we expect this from our spouse we should expect to be disappointed daily. No being can live up to such expectations.
We all have our bad days, i certainly have my moments of madness. Despite our flaws and imperfections, God created husband and wife to steer each other in the right direction which is HIS DIRECTION.


I would be lying if I said our first year of marriage was difficult simply because we had built a strong foundation prior to marriage. And to be completely fair , We had experienced  far harder times during courtship so there’s really nothing we can’t overcome presently.
I would say our first year courting was probably the most difficult ( adjusting to our cultural differences, fighting temptation, working through trust issues etc.) We were still  getting to know each other. I realized he was a lot more traditional/rigid and he also came to the realization that I was "extremely westernized" which caused a lot of tension and arguments. I mean a whole lot !!!!!!

It was a challenge to learn to accept and understand his rigidity where he equally had a hard time embracing my outlandish personality. We had to iron out these differences way before we even thought about getting married. we were willing to put in the work ,  and we did just that . In addition , We sought counseling from our spiritual parents to guide us along the way since this was probably my most mature relationship and I was entirely lost and misinformed. Our spiritual mother definitely got on us when we were straying or completely off course.
Interestingly enough, we are very similar now . He has adopted parts of my personality and vice Versa. 🤷🏽‍♀️ don’t ask how ; it organically happened which has made our home very peaceful and full of laughs.

Life regally began after the honeymoon , however we adjusted exceptionally well ; We resumed work as expected. We have a pretty consistent schedule, We discuss and make all major decisions together (in unison). We pray together even when he is at work ; I’ll call him before I hit the sheets so we pray together. I love him flaws and all . We aren’t perfect but we are imperfectly perfect for each other.
We hope our first year experience would inspire and help you in your marriage journey. If I had to do it all over again ; I’d still choose him. "I found the one whom my soul loves " #ComingtoAboagye

Below are some basic tips to utilize to ensure you don't fall in the same category as those that regard marriage as an absolute terror the first year.

• You have to ensure that the marriage was formed in the right standing of God (no fornication , no sexual contact ). Pray for strength, clarity and direction. 
• You include your spiritual parents on your  journey ( they are very instrumental in providing guidance, counsel, spiritual covering and someone of higher authority to report to when the attacks occur because they will ).
• Continue courtship after marriage "Above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins’ " (1 Peter 4:8). 
• Keep Christ as the center of your home 
• Pray without ceasing 
• Agree that divorce is not an option "til death do us part" 
• Value and uphold the sanctity of marriage 
• Pick and choose your battles "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" - Proverbs 14:1 
• God describes love; make it a daily goal to measure up/ live up to it 
• Demonstrate forgiveness 
• Submit to one another Ephesians 5:21
• Make all major decisions together 
• Respect and regard him as the head of the household. 
• Work out your own salvation; build your own relationship with Christ. don’t depend on your spouse as your bridge to intimacy with Christ 
• Communicate effectively.
• Remember what "God has joined together, let not man separate" -Mark 10:9