Never expected it

I am blessed to find a man that loves me for me Without sounding sappy, I can honestly say that true love has found me. Notice I did not say: “I have found true love”. When HE came into my life, I wasn’t looking I was FARRR from looking! I have had my fair share of horrible dates, broken hearts, etc. I can assure you I wanted nothing to do with men. I even considered being a lesbian. True story! I hate to be so cliché, but it’s true. You always find something or someone when you least expect it. Anyone who has been single for a while knows it’s NOT easy. However, at the same time, singlehood can be a great time for self-reflection. During my looonggg season of  singleness, I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my LIFE! We must learn to LOVE OURSELVES before we can love or receive someone else’s love effectively. This is especially hard for women, since we can be so critical towards other women, and especially towards ourselves. Furthermore, these criticisms warp into lies, which then become our truths! I love this saying: “ALL women are queens ”. Our debts are paid In full therefore we should wear our crowns proudly. 

I find myself not having to beg , cry , fret or plead for love or attention and sadly that's a feeling I'm very unfamiliar with. I remember the first day , he said I love you . I was leaving for Jamaica  (spooning😊😋my back was towards him ) there was absolute silence in the room , you could hear a needle drop & I heard him subtly whisper in my ear "I love you".

 my heart instantly dropped . I didn't know what to say, so the first thing I thought to do was to pretend I was asleep . I thought about those 3 words all night long. I was in utter shock & definitely did not see that one coming . The next morning , he didn't make mention of it (which I was actually happy about ) I wasn't ready to have such an awkward/anxiety provoking  conversation . A few days went by , we decided to stay in to watch movies (something we do quite often) . He inserted the movie in the DVD player , I thought it'd be productive of me to fold my clean laundry as I watched the movie (kill 2 birds with one stone why not ?) so I sat on the edge of the bed . He insisted on helping me fold. I looked over only to find him staring at me & then the unthinkable happened . He utters those 3 words yet again . " i love you Chelly. I love everything about you, I love the little pudge you constantly complain about , I love your sense of humor , your sarcasm. I love how fast you type when you're angry , I love your nervous laugh when you're shy. I know you're not ready but give me a year and I'll make you love me too" 

I melted , I've never felt so secure, safe , genuinely loved & wanted in my entire 26 years of life. Don't get me wrong I've been in love before . I've been in a relationship where I believed he was the one I'll be walking down the aisle with , whole heartedly believed he was going to be the father of our 3 kids lol , without a doubt thought I had found my soul mate. I believe he loved me but he didn't love me the way I needed to be loved. He loved me the best way he knew how & that's okay. No fault of his own , things just didn't work out . However , I could walk away knowing that what was meant for me would never pass me by. Everything worked out / didn't work out for a reason & I must say I'm glad I got to learn those valuable lessons.

I never thought I was capable of love better yet I didn't think I was lovable or worthy of love. My soul had slowly died, it took one kiss and It came back to life once again. He loves me not for what I have or can do for him . He just loves me for me & makes me feel like I'm More than enough. I appreciate him more than words can describe. Sometimes I stare at him as he watches tv and I ask myself who are you ? , where did you come from? Why me ? How did this happen ? I'm still in utter disbelief . I did ask him , why me ? & he subtly responded "why not you ?"

We are complete opposites , come from different walks of life , cultural differences etc. But the good certainly outweighs our differences . I guess opposites do attract after all. Well we aren't entirely opposites . Our birthdays are 3 days apart which makes us both Scorpios. We are both from an African heritage, we are both very passionate about things that matter the most to us and we both have to sleep with a fan on even during the winter  🙈

 Make no mistake , this gentleman put in work. He pursued me and that's when you know a man is truly interested. He was willing to move mountains for me and still is. They pursue you when they want you . Don't fall for that occasional "hey stranger , I miss you " bs . It's all a ploy to feed their sick egos. I understand it's tough being single , I also understand that there is lots of competition because these men know they have options. women are now raising their skirts and lowering their standards to ensure their one of those options. I don't have all the   answers , I'm still learning myself . There are many instances where I find myself lost, torn and confused . However, What I do know for sure is that, this feels so right . 

This is my cynical / pessimistic side speaking , even if we don't work out in the long run , I will never ever forget this present feeling & I would always want him to be apart of my life. Never thought I'd see this day but here I am. I'm forever grateful for him & I'm even more grateful that he gave me a different outlook on love & relationships. 😍❤️🙏😘 I'm going to ride this wave to wherever it ends. I'm whole heartedly down & ready for this new adventure .