BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

To avoid or prevent an unnecessary heartbreak . You can't ignore the signs , you have to acknowledge them in order to nip it in the bud .

One would ask the reason behind this blog , there are a multitude of events that led me to write this blog. I was tired of holding it all in . I found myself angry, bitter , sad, depressed & anxious all the time . I needed an outlet . I needed to vent , I needed a voice , I needed to be freed of my thoughts. I needed closure . Most importantly i needed peace .... PEACE WITHIN ❤❤❤

I'm very much guilty of this myself , it's extremely difficult for me to step back and allow my man to be the man because I'm such a control freak. Yes I said it , I'm an absolute control freak. I can't help It !!! As women it's imperative that we allow our men to be the man of the relationship . We should have faith and believe that they are capable of getting the job done just as well as us. They may need some guidance but let him do it . If you constantly take over everything, he'll begin to question his place/position in the relationship .., he might even ask himself ? why am i here ? that's something you DO NOT want. You don't want him to feel out of place , unwanted and under appreciated. You want him to feel exactly how you would like him to make you feel and that is secure , appreciated & wanted. Let him wear the pants in the relationship. Let his voice be heard . Don't drive him away , don't scare him off . Allow him to have a s...

I work 2 jobs , go to school in addition I'm working on opening an online boutique that Is to launch very soon . One will ask , how do you find a healthy balance ? How do you find time for your relationship (if I had one)? , how do you manage your time efficiently ? My response : if I had a relationship the 2 days I have off from work would be devoted to my man. We can catch up, catch a movie , talk all day & night. have fun , spend some good ol quality time together. What if he has a job himself and we have conflicting schedules ? This is where it gets tricky. Both parties have to make a conscious effort to keep the relationship live as well as spicy. I would hate for my man to be distracted by the next woman because his main woman is not available. Men are honestly moved by sight & not by voice. He has to see you ,spend time with you. it's a necessity. Both parties have to come up with a plan or schedule where it's dedicated to them - date night. If the presiden...

April 7th 2012, someone close and dear to my heart passed away. He was involved in a car accident that instantly took his life. He was my uncle ... Everyone called him bishop , I call him Willis. Willis was more so like the big brother , I always wanted but never had. He showed me crazy love even when I didn't deserve it. We had our fair share of arguments because We are very similar, we are both stubborn. We think we know it all , we are crazy passionate about life and most importantly we had each other's back no matter what. His passing made me question life, my purpose , my mortality, it made me question myself as a whole . I felt very guilty after his death. I felt like I didn't spend enough time with him. Here I am investing time & emotion into someone who says they care about me but I don't sense it as opposed to spending time with someone I knew without a doubt cared and loved me. That's where I feel like i messed up . I know i shouldn't feel this way...

After my break up , I was extremely numb. I was so numb; the feelings of my friends and loved ones were irrelevant including my own. I just didn't care anymore . why would I? Why should I ? Everything I invested time and energy in just went down the drain. I didn't know how to cope. Luckily I had music 🎧🎼🎵 as a coping skill to get through the times & nights where I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I don't know how I would have coped without music . Music led to my increasingly interest in God ... The song "he saved me" by R.Kelly guided me in that direction. Heartbreaks aren't hard to heal, we just seek the wrong help. Only a Dr. can help heal a broken leg & only God can help heal a broken heart. I could relate to the song in so many ways. It opened up my eyes , it drew me closer to God . I wanted to build a relationship with God . Granted sinning was all I knew and my decision to repent/start over would be challenging but it was a chance I was cert...

As women we all dream of a stable , secure future with a man that will provide and care for his family. A man that will use his last breath to ensure that his family is secure In the event of his absence or untimely death. Don't let your past failed relationships deter you from that dream. Perfect Example : if someone gave you a wrinkled, crumpled , dirty $20 bill. does the fact that it's beaten up decrease it's value? No, the Same thing applies to you. Your worth doesn't depreciate due to your past failed relationships. Not knowing your worth takes away from everything God designed - Figure it on out. We all make mistakes , it's apart of life & growth. That dream will eventually become a reality. Just be patient and place your heart in God's hands and believe that he will give it to someone deserving of it.

I struggled for so long to come to terms with my break up, whenever i found myself in a good place. He would always finagle his way back into my life. I would of course let him back in because I LOVED HIM. He was taking advantage of my love for him.  He took me on a long bumpy emotional journey in which he had no plans of accompanying me.  He knew he had no intentions of being with me in the long run.  He abused my love, mentally and emotionally scarring me. I opened up my life and heart to this man and he took it for granted. My heart couldn't take much more abuse. I realized its quite absurd for me to allow my heart to be repeatedly broken in the same spot by the same person in the same breath. All i wanted was to shower him with love but he wanted to live the life of a bachelor. I have witnessed so many women overextend themselves for THAT man. The man they believe to be their soul mate or ideal man. Have you noticed that men never settle? A man will never settle for ...

Ladies , the signs are always evident. You either choose to recognize it or sweep it under the rug. Your refusal to admit something is off does have a snow ball effect... So beware !!!!!

If marriage isn't the goal then just stay single. you need to date with a purpose. Don't play "Wifey" until he makes you a wife . Any male can make a girl his girlfriend, but it takes a Real Man to make a woman his Wife. once you're in a union: you have 4 choices: Give up, Give in, Give it your all or Give it to God. DON'T claim a person that isn't claiming you  

There were numerous times where i would go to bed in tears as i listened to this song. I gradually realized that i cant cry over spilled milk. We both made mistakes during the relationship. I was willing to look past his, why couldn't he look past mine? You can't force love and you cant make them stay if they do not want to. Love goes where love is I FOUND LOVE AND GUESS WHO IT'S WITH ? I FOUND LOVE WITH MYSELF. I LEARNED TO LOVE MYSELF. ALL THE LOVE I WAS SEARCHING FOR , IT WAS WITHIN ALL ALONG. IT TOOK INTENSE/DEEP SOUL SEARCHING TO FIND IT BUT I'M GLAD I DID. EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER.  I shouldn't have walked away I would've stayed if you said We could've made everything OK But we just Threw the blame back and forth We treated love like a sport The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall Shattered in pieces curled on the floor Super natural love conquers all 'Member we us...

While you're sitting there hurting your Woman. There is someone else out there Praying/Wishing they had somebody just like her. you want to find yourself in a situation where the man says, "Come Over My Family Is Here & They Want To See You"....NOT With a man that says,"Come Over I Have The House All To Myself".  As Women , we do recognize the signs but for some odd reason we believe that we are not good enough and we are also impatient to wait on God's timing to provide us with our significant others. .  Place your heart in God's hands & He will place it in the hands of a man or woman who truly deserves it.  Ask yourself, "Why do I like someone that treats me like nothing? And what have I done to deserve everything they're doing to me? My answers: fear and  Absolutely Nothing. fear brings about unnecessary feelings . For instance: you're in a situation where you know deep down that its unhealthy/toxic but you're afraid to start...

When a male penguin falls in love with a female penguin, he searches the entire beach to find the perfect Pebble to present to her  " NEVER LET A MAN DESTROY YOUR LIFE! It might be hard to get over the man you love, but you won't know until you try. As women, we tend to continue relationships that destroy who we are – physically, socially and mentally .We give up our individuality, happiness, families, friends, pride, wealth and success- in order to satisfy the man in our lives. Lets face it girls, we are strong and can achieve so much without anyone's help, so why let someone destroy what you worked hard for? Let's appreciate, love and believe in ourselves. Elizabeth Nkau said: "I cooked and cleaned for him, stopped talking to all my male friends, came home early to him, bore a baby for him and what did I get? A promise to get married, which never happened, two other babies from another woman, a string of girlfriends calling his house and a D...

The second man was more than a fling , i loved them both, i couldn't let go of either. Number 1 had a hold on me , ask me what it is i loved ? i couldn't even tell you . i guess i was in love with the possibility of change. i was in love with his potential. I was finally experiencing love , something i had fantasized about for so long but i was getting it from the wrong person. I was now a cheater, Mister was not so forgiving. he broke things off. Of course i pleaded and begged for forgiveness but he couldn't look past it. It was a tough pill to swallow but it had to be done. My friends ask all the time " Do you miss your ex?' my response: I miss him but i miss my smile and happiness much more. I miss being secure. Its been a year or 2 since the break up and i am so much happier than i was during the 3 year span of our relationship. I found myself, i found love within myself. i realized that if they don't appreciate what you bring to the table then let them ...

i just wanted to be loved , another man caught my attention. a man that gave me all i wanted and more . i developed  feelings for this man. i like him . i began to engage in sexual activities with this man. It happened twice but it doesn't negate the fact that, i had become something that i couldn't stand. is it possible that i had become a cheater ? something i strongly despised. the shoe was now on the other foot but this other man  appeared to have my best interest at heart. he was a man that expressed his feelings, a man that showed me affection, a man that finally put me first.  A man that gave me something i had longed/yearned for. I was in love with two men, two complete opposites. Let me rephrase that : I was in love with number 1 but i loved how number 2 treated me. "Have you ever been in love with two people? No? Alright don't do it. Ever. It's the worst. It's complicated. That's the only explanation you can come up with to make yourself feel be...

The journey continued.............. i found myself being very depressed, sad and questioning my decision to walk away. i knew it was for the best but i also lost the only man i ever knew. Growing up, i didn't have a male figure in my life. my siblings and i were raised by our grandmother and mother. My mother struggled with her marriage to our father, she eventually raised us a single mother since my father decided he was no longer cut out to be a dad. The years went by and i found my confidence/self esteem gradually building back up. i became a serial dater but there was no emotions/ feelings involved nor invested. i had a wall up; that wall was up for legitimate/valid reasons of course. When i found myself catching feelings, i had to break things off or chase them away. I became very good at manipulating all situations as well as pushing pass their limits. I told myself I'd leave before i got left ....I wouldn't engage in any sexual activities with them it was all about c...