Numb

After my break up , I was extremely numb. I was so numb; the feelings of my friends and loved ones were irrelevant including my own. I just didn't care anymore . why would I? Why should I ? Everything I invested time and energy in just went down the drain. I didn't know how to cope. Luckily I had music 🎧🎼🎵 as a coping skill to get through the times & nights where I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I don't know how I would have coped without music . Music led to my increasingly interest in God ... The song "he saved me" by R.Kelly guided me in that direction. Heartbreaks aren't hard to heal, we just seek the wrong help. Only a Dr. can help heal a broken leg & only God can help heal a broken heart. I could relate to the song in so many ways. It opened up my eyes , it drew me closer to God . I wanted to build a relationship with God . Granted sinning was all I knew and my decision to repent/start over would be challenging but it was a chance I was certain I wanted to take. I realized that , my cold heart was not hurting anyone but myself . I was broken and wanted nothing but to be mended and experience unconditional love. if he was wiling to die for my sins then I should be willing to live for him. My hard shell was gradually fading away. I looked In the mirror and said to myself " Chelly , this isn't you , you're so much better than this . Don't allow your experiences in life to keep you down. Channel your anger and pain into something productive & positive." How could I allow one person single handedly turn me into a blood sucking vampire. I had it out for everyone because I believed everyone was out to get me. If all I wanted was to be loved then its fair to assume that people are in search of the same thing right? so why would I deprive them of that ? Why would I let the opportunity of possibly meeting my mister right pass me by ? If you're single and searching for a partner then act like it. Don't pretend that's what fourth graders do. Put the same amount of energy into people, that they put into you. Love people that love u back... You can do it , keep on putting the other foot in front of the other, taking one step at a time. Moving at a pace that may seem slow but is steady and sure. Do what's necessary to improve your life, to enhance your status , to improve your standing. I look back at where I was then and where i am now. I must say I am very pleased with my growth. I am extremely blessed. I am stronger today because I know my weaknesses. I am wise because I know I've been foolish. I laugh because i know what sadness feels like ❤❤❤