BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Another old piece 

Wrote this piece approximately 5 years ago 

you would think after facing the number of adversities that I have , I would finally buckle down and accept The Lord as my savior . I have been able to surpass a whole lot and there's no possible way I could have done it without him . I am very much aware of his existence and I do try to live righteously but i have failed to give it a conscious effort.  Some time in 2009, I visited my doctor for my annual check up . The doctor found cancerous cells on my cervix . I went back and forth for testing approximately 6 times. When it was time for me to start treatment, The cancer miraculously disappeared . I fell out my chair in the doctors office in tears . I was involved in a 6 car collision last year (December 31st at 7am) I had to be removed out of my car with the jaws of life . You would think I would get it together by now right ? But nope ... Here I am still engaging in the activities of the world . A world that has done absolutely nothing for me . A world that has fought me tooth...

Your unexpected passing left us incoherent . The loss caused a lot of chaos . Never thought i would be obsessed with my immortality , but unfortunately this has now become my reality.  As I fear my untimely death , I'm trying to find peace which has been a journey I find very hard to accept . Some value their ability to breathe as others focus on the grief . The unknown is equivalent to an obstacle course.   A path that is hostile but far from impossible.  Your physical absence doesn't take away from your spiritual guidance . I feel your presence & can't deny this feeling.   A feeling that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'd do just about anything for one more chance to say I love you But that's nothing new .  RIP - happy birthday Willis ... Forever in our hearts .. Miss you ❤️❤️❤️

Where do old flames belong? Is it possible one might be your spouse? Or should they all just be evicted from your thoughts?  Old flame , it's safe to assume that we all have that one flame that we just can't seem to tame.  A bond so strong , you lose all sense of reality . A feeling you wish could surpass all mortality .  Here You are constantly wondering what could have been ? When in hindsight staying in that relationship is equivalent to the deadliest sin. You were emotionally imprisoned , enjoying conjugal visits and you didn't even know it .  A distorted perception that you refuse to acquit.. You're not stuck on love , you're stuck on stupid ... Living a life totally diluted & clueless ...  Finally Putting out the flame is where the trouble lies , your thought process is quite biased. I believe it's my duty to offer you some advise , your worth and happiness is your ultimate prize for putting an end to your gradual demise.  That  old flame is ...

The male species spends his whole life trying to be the man instead of becoming the man. This logic stems back from slavery days where they were bind and held in shackles . To limit our excellence . Our crowns have already been paid for by our ancestors. Our freedom is far more reachable than we think  That Man could easily be your bloodline 

I witness a demographic suffering in silence. They are literally crying out for guidance. searching in all the wrong places to find fulfillment. I pray that this piece makes a difference.    This epidemic is slowly killing off our youth worldwide.  They yell  out "fuck love" and chase lust. They are cutting out checks for bigger busts. They cut out all rational to better adjust to a lifestyle they can't keep up . They have neglected their mind , body and soul to seek temporary pleasure with what's in between their legs . What happened to women turning heads? Without jumping in their beds. Your features don't define you neither does it refine you.  A real gentleman wants a strong knowledgeable woman whom values her life long mission and that is to be ONE IN A MILLION ... 

I must admit it stinks being single during the holiday season . Never thought I'd internalize all this crap as I see couples stroll hand in hand shopping and exchanging gifts , displaying affection publicly . It's sad , to fall victim to such a desperate cliche .  I wonder why we long for relationships during this season ?  "The truth is that I like my life. My job makes me happy nearly every day. I’ve collected a community of friends to keep me connected, grounded, and having fun. I’ve learned to live on my own and enjoy the nights I spend with myself, making things and chatting with long distance friends. I am busy, engaged, and connected. This is not the story of a “desperate” single woman"  And yet… I’m one of the only single people at family functions. The majority of my friends are in committed relationships. My mother expresses her concern for me, specifically as a single person: “I just think you would be happier if you were with someone." I sometimes wor...

In this life , we all face our daily obstacles. Some have it worst than others.  Selling hope to the hopeless Got mouths to feed but can barely make ends meet   As you roam these streets , you debate on whether to wear a cross on your chest or a bullet proof vest  Survival of the fittest but what about the sickest ?  It's more so about who's resilient. An epidemic that needs to be distanced 

Time and time again , you get that late night phone call asking you to come through . You pack an  overnight bag with items to protect your 18 inch weave but not for a second , did you think to protect what's above your knees.  you allow this vicious cycle in hope to Gain his acceptance. Your emotions & instincts are brewing but yet you choose to continue  The best approach was to be as cogent as possible and state your expectations as opposed to laying on your back with such emotional decapitation.  In the near future , here you are yelling; "that dude ain't shit " when the same ain't shit qualities is what attracted you to him in the first place. This is a situation you should have never embraced . Compromising yourself with feelings displaced .   You were content with those late night phone calls when you should have told him in the beginning to go screw himself .  This is the time to assert yourself and wake up from this nightmare you'd like to...

"Once you fall In love with yourself , no one can ever break your heart again . Trust me it's an amazing feeling .. No self  doubt .. " What's already understood doesn't need an explanation  "Love is a language that only actions can speak & understood by open hearts" 

I don't need the acceptance & approval of others but what I do need is for you to not pass judgement.  When the world was on my back and I felt crippled , whom was there to make things simple ?  I don't do this for pity , I do it for the sake of me.  I searched for so long just to find  a piece of my entity.  So do you think I'll let one strip me of my identity ? I think not , you would have to present one hell of a compelling argument to question my stance. Instead why don't you just help enhance ;  I'm a woman , I'm black , I'm young living in a world where we've been dehumanized , chastised , criticized , terrorized, scorned , pummeled , our characters assassinated but yet when I put my foot down ; I'm called everything in the book but QUEEN . Their attempt to beat me to my knees is fruitless quite cowardice if you ask me .  As I adjust my crown , stand on my feet & make this speech . I want you to know that you're worthy & this is...

"Stop trying to be the man and become THE man".......  Men are very simple creatures when you have their full attention . They'll do just about anything to see you smile. A man that wants you won't give you room to question your place In his life , won't make you doubt yourself , will NEVER treat you like a revolving door .  He finds you beautiful when you smile therefore he will make it his duty to make you smile all the time ...  ***A man with a vision understands purpose & will waste no time to make you his . It shouldn't  take 4, 5,6 etc years for him to commit to you or figure out if you're the ONE  ***  If you have to continuously question where you STAND then it's time you have a SEAT 

Dating in the 21st century has got to be the most complicated process ever . As people re-enter the dating world, it's necessary to adapt to new things, new norms and trends etc . The  dating world isn't the only thing that's changed , you have too . Most likely , you don't communicate the same, your priorities have shifted , your values have adjusted. Your thinking process is a little different . So it's only basic common sense to think that , the dating world is not the same as you left it .  Granted re-entering the dating world may  sound scary , it's not as bad as you think.  Give it a shot , go in with ZERO expectations . Expectations on a first date is essentially setting yourself up for failure .  These are some tips that might help prepare you for your attack on the dating scene.  1 , Be open and honest. Honesty is of essence. Don't lower your standards. Communicate your thoughts, standards and values  2, DO not play hard to get . If you're int...

They often know her name  They often see her flame  They often question what they see in her besides her well built frame  They try to reach out to her inner mystery  in hopes to fulfill their curiosity  They often fear their infatuation with high intensity  They often find gratification in this maze like game  They often make the mistake of contemplating whom to blame  When all along , the trail to her roots should have been their.....  AIM 

He says all the right things at the wrong time. when you need him the most; he acts as if you committed a heinous crime. Yet , in the middle of the night , he beats his chest readily to divide and conquer . An art he has "coincidentally" mastered. Last thing on his mind is honoring thy heart . Why would he ? The body is easily accessible , no need to stimulate the mind and soul when you've made it easy for him to stimulate your inner walls. The body is our temple but we have settled to giving out samples. A hurdle we have yet to work hard to trample.   **** It's imperative that, women make their expectations and standards known , the more likely men will be forced to eventually oblige . you cannot expect men to know your expectations if you do not communicate it with them. Unfortunately they're not mind readers, they are action readers . Your actions will prompt them to either rise to the occasion or step aside for someone's who's up  for it as well more q...

In the line of war , there are casualties; same thing goes for love. In the line of love , you go In hoping to come out alive.   you basically pray for the best and anticipate the worst .  The reality is , it can be full of pain. however when it's done right the first time. It can be the greatest accomplishment . A moment of victory & celebration 

There's nothing more dangerous than a scorned woman . "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"  

Now let me tell you a story about a young woman whom lost her crown. All in the name of pleasing some clown We've all met this young lady ; she drops to her knees too fast , falls too hard ,  doesn't listen enough, reacts too slow but believes she's experiencing a natural high. A high she'd like to call "love" . She fell in love with a charming gentleman. She Wholeheartedly believed she'd found her king .  So Here she is investing everything she has & knows including her soul for this newfound load.  Like they say all that glitters isn't gold. she finds herself in a chokehold. A hold that is nothing less of a scold. She's screaming but no one hears her cry out for help . So she continues to live behind a veil .  She's essentially withering away , lost in an unattainable dream. She wants nothing more than to find her self esteem.   An esteem that is struggling to find balance on a beam.  As a woman , I'm here to tell you to redeem your c...

Women are nurturers by nature therefore we tend to nurture our pain. Nurturing our pain is unfortunately very unhealthy to our beings . To fully let go of our pain & move on , it's necessary that , you let go & forgive. Forgiving doesn't eradicate nor does it exonerate the perpetrator. Instead it frees you of all anger, sorrow and pain. It frees you of all mental & emotional slavery.  When u nurture your own pain , it becomes cancerous . "When you hold on to your history , you do it at the expense of your destiny" - Pastor TD Jakes  You have to love people on the level at which they are , you may not be able to salvage the relationship (love interest , friendship , family member) but you can still save yourself . Freedom comes from recognizing that , forgiveness & letting go  doesn't make  you Weak. It actually means you're strong enough to cast down the idols of your history . You refuse to further allow the pain & anger you feel tow...

You can't be eager for love but be afraid of commitment.... 

In a relationship , it's a collective effort to uplift and enhahce the lives of each other. Your partner is to uplift you not depress you . If you find yourself questioning yourself , your worth , your position etc . You might want to step back & evaluate your relationship.  It's the duty of your partner to relieve you of your burdens & not add to your burdens.  Misconception : people often believe that it's their partners duty to make them feel better or better yet rid them of their insecurities and self esteem issues . I'm here to tell you that's wrong. It's your duty to love yourself , it's Also your duty to invest in yourself .  Insecurities are pre existing conditions , your partner may have triggered it but they are more often than not already planted.  Instead of focusing on your partner , do yourself and favor and focus on yourself & identify the source of these feelings.   Your only competition is you , you're your own worst critic. ...

When I say healthy living , I'm not limiting it to just eating clean/dieting. I'm referring to living healthy in general. A process of detoxing/removing all toxic things and people from your life . To maintain a healthy life , one must nourish all areas of your life .  Detail : you must rid yourself of all negative people & things . People & things that have failed to enhahce your life but yet engage you in negativity and counterproductive outcomes.  You should maintain a healthy balance between your career, social life , family & intimate life . All elements of your life should not add stress to your livelihood but instead empower your life as a whole. It's imperative that you focus on the internal first then tackle the external . When I say internal , I'm referring to your mind, heart, body & soul . External would be your social life, career etc.  None of these elements should pull you in one direction. You should examine yourself & ask yourself if...

Denial : when the mind psychologically protects you from truth . It's the best known defense mechanisms.  It is often used to describe situations in which people are unable to face reality or admit an obvious truth. Denial functions to protect the ego from things that an individual cannot cope with. While this may save us from anxiety or pain, denial also requires a substantial investment of energy. I've lived In Denial for a very long time , I either deny or repress my feelings. It's always been better than facing reality head on. Oh boy was I wrong ; these feelings always have a way of resurfacing and rearing it's ugly little head.  Tips on coping :  Focus on the things you've tried to ignore.Look for the truth in those things you've been trying to ignore and avoid. Is there some truth in what people have been telling you? If so, what do you plan to do about it? Allow yourself to feel and experience the truth. It's not pleasant to face aspects of yourself ...

Erikson's 6th stage of psychosocial development  ( intimacy vs isolation) described me to a T a year and half ago. Where you're stuck between finding yourself but yet investing all your time in energy in making others happy. 

"Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure: 1. Acceptance 2. Understanding 3. Appreciation Remove any one of the three and the triangle falls apart.   Think about it — do you really want to live in a world of only two dimensions?"

When you reach Rock bottom , a point of no return . That's when you decide with conviction of course that you're done. You're finally and actually done. You can no longer endure the emotional duress and distress . You can no longer live enslaved to your emotions and heart . You can no longer live in the shadow of someone else , you can no longer be just an option . At that moment you take a stance and you refuse to budge or back down . You're not open to negotiations . You're just ready for the next chapter of your life . New beginnings, fresh start !!! You owe it to yourself . You actually deserve it ❤❤❤ This cycle is so easy to get stuck and so hard to get out of But stand by your decision ...as long as he feels welcome he will keep coming back to interrupt your healing and moving on process.  If you wanna be free from it, you need to be convicted in your determination to have better If. you're wavering and conflicted, there will be an opening for him.  ...

I am human, with real feelings with real life problems. i question so many things, why the sky is blue? why one loves harder than the other? why pain and happiness go together? why can't we put a smile on somebody's face daily? why we live in fear and doubt ? why people can't mind their own business? why must we put each other down instead of empowering each other? God has all the answers and I'm waiting on them (revelation)........Thoughts as i lay in bed

My love affair is what id like to call the Blame game. I had a hand in the downfall of my relationships . Instead of being honest and walking away , I took the easy route and cheated. My first time cheating; frightening and surprisingly enough I got a kick out of it . I felt empowered , felt like i had achieved something . I have yet to discover what it is exactly I conquered. When the ugly truth came out , instead of taking accountability . We threw the blame back & forth like a bad sport .

While my friends were in healthy loving relationships, living it up it like a motherf-cker I was enraged, feeling it like a motherf-cker Bird in a cage, you would never know what I was dealing with Went our separate ways, but I was happy they were loving it Bittersweet, they were up, I was down No lie, I felt good for them, but what do I do now?  Meanwhile, this nigga putting his hands on me I swear y’all don’t know the half of the story of this escapee. When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out When you make pain look this good it never wears out when you're so addicted to pain, you feel you have nothing to gain  so you allow the vicious cycle to remain you're immune to the pain because its all you know The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground I couldn't have prepared myself for that fall Shattered in pieces curled up on the floor It’s almost been a decade I’m behind them black shades Roll up like it’s all good, when my past s...

Here I lay in my bedroom reflecting on my emotional doom. I try my best to make sense of this cuz I don't want to assume. In order for me to find peace it's best I let my feelings cease. U claim you want to be with me but please explain your new found treasury. You claim you want to marry me then please explain why I'm the one on my knees ? U don't care , you never did and never will . U make excuses to justify your selfishness and thrill. Now here I am questioning my worth when all along its been your strategy to keep me at fault. All I really want is to move on ... I may have alcohol in my system but these feelings are post mortem . When it comes to my pain just know that , you are the stem

As you reflect on life , one might hand you a tissue. They fail to realize that your poor interactions with men stem from your daddy issues. Daddy was never there but when he was there , he was more concerned with other affairs. These affairs landed daddy in jail. Daddy issues , it's safe to say that her pain has manifested into sexuality. She may be easy to smash but just know that , you're smashing her soul and that has got to be the ultimate low. That's a form of genocide , killing off the youth worldwide . I'm a product of this epidemic , as I've accepted my authentic . There's also a large number that has yet to understand and grasp this epic. In the midst of this dysfunction , there was one person that made it their mission to ensure there was no more of a malfunction. Her name is mommy , mommy did it all. She picked up the broken pieces and made it whole. Mommy never complained nor did she shed a tear after all those years . Mommy sacrificed her yout...

Love, love, love What is it exactly ? I have yet to find the true definition. The love I knew definitely needed revision. From what I had experienced, it felt like an anvil was tied around my ankle, thrown in the ocean and i was left to drown . While I was down . I reflected on the things that I had done . I realized when it came to mistakes , i made a ton. I lost myself , I couldn't recognize myself , I was by myself. I searched in depth for so long Looking in the mirror I saw a foe. Ready to go toe to toe. I had become my own worst enemy. I readily conquer my fears as I choose to no longer shed tears. I am a victim of love , love was suppose to uplift me instead it resulted in my life's shift

I was in it for the mental Warfare , not saying that it was fair . I was in a place where I just didn't care . My behaviors were so mundane , people believed I was going insane. Now here I am standing before you with nothing less than a repaired heart and soul . I no longer feel cold. I walk around with my head held up in my secure soles . Feeling & looking nothing but bold . My soul was almost sold . Glad to say I didn't fold . i must say I realized my worth . Its safe to compare it to a pot of gold

Some folks look at you real strange saying that you've changed as if after all the adversities you've faced you were suppose to stay the same. This thing we call life I had to rearrange. I didn't and don't do it for the sympathy . I did it for the sake of me and my sanity ❤❤❤

There's a tightness in my chest, feels like my throat is closing in on me , dire need to keep swallowing my saliva , I'm fighting to breathe. I'm suffocating , walls are closing in on me. I'm stuck in time and I can't get out . Trapped in misery and my thoughts. I want to be free , swept off my feet , is that so much to seek???

Sometimes the hardest decision you will ever have to make is the best decision to make. Cry & Pray. Everything happens for a reason. Why does Pain come with the territory of Love , if Love is supposed to make you feel Great? it's hard for me to wrap my head around but i want to. All my life I've fought . I've fought for love , attention , acceptance . You name it , I have fought for it . In the midst of this battle , I tried tremendously hard not to let my wall/guard down because every single time I did, I was betrayed , hurt , and abandoned. Its an indescribable feeling but I'll try my best to describe it to the best of my ability. It felt like they ripped my heart out my chest , repeatedly stomped on it , threw it out and never looked back. No remorse , no hesitation . Just like that . They say never put your trust in man . Well I know why first hand. I always rationalized this pattern of behaviors by saying that , my own father (biological ) walked out and never ...

I know it's been a while since I blogged but I've been so busy with all life has to offer and whatever else it has to throw at me . It's been hectic with school work , working 2 jobs and trying to plug in workouts when possible . Haven't worked out in 2 weeks and I'm itching to get back in the gym . I'll be back in the gym on Wednesday no worries , I'm determined to lose 20-30 lbs by May. I've been dating. I don't want to rush into anything for this reason specifically (Getting into another relationship to heal from a breakup is like putting a Band-Aid on a tumor and expecting it to go away. Yours truly Black_rose

To avoid or prevent an unnecessary heartbreak . You can't ignore the signs , you have to acknowledge them in order to nip it in the bud .

One would ask the reason behind this blog , there are a multitude of events that led me to write this blog. I was tired of holding it all in . I found myself angry, bitter , sad, depressed & anxious all the time . I needed an outlet . I needed to vent , I needed a voice , I needed to be freed of my thoughts. I needed closure . Most importantly i needed peace .... PEACE WITHIN ❤❤❤

I'm very much guilty of this myself , it's extremely difficult for me to step back and allow my man to be the man because I'm such a control freak. Yes I said it , I'm an absolute control freak. I can't help It !!! As women it's imperative that we allow our men to be the man of the relationship . We should have faith and believe that they are capable of getting the job done just as well as us. They may need some guidance but let him do it . If you constantly take over everything, he'll begin to question his place/position in the relationship .., he might even ask himself ? why am i here ? that's something you DO NOT want. You don't want him to feel out of place , unwanted and under appreciated. You want him to feel exactly how you would like him to make you feel and that is secure , appreciated & wanted. Let him wear the pants in the relationship. Let his voice be heard . Don't drive him away , don't scare him off . Allow him to have a s...

I work 2 jobs , go to school in addition I'm working on opening an online boutique that Is to launch very soon . One will ask , how do you find a healthy balance ? How do you find time for your relationship (if I had one)? , how do you manage your time efficiently ? My response : if I had a relationship the 2 days I have off from work would be devoted to my man. We can catch up, catch a movie , talk all day & night. have fun , spend some good ol quality time together. What if he has a job himself and we have conflicting schedules ? This is where it gets tricky. Both parties have to make a conscious effort to keep the relationship live as well as spicy. I would hate for my man to be distracted by the next woman because his main woman is not available. Men are honestly moved by sight & not by voice. He has to see you ,spend time with you. it's a necessity. Both parties have to come up with a plan or schedule where it's dedicated to them - date night. If the presiden...

April 7th 2012, someone close and dear to my heart passed away. He was involved in a car accident that instantly took his life. He was my uncle ... Everyone called him bishop , I call him Willis. Willis was more so like the big brother , I always wanted but never had. He showed me crazy love even when I didn't deserve it. We had our fair share of arguments because We are very similar, we are both stubborn. We think we know it all , we are crazy passionate about life and most importantly we had each other's back no matter what. His passing made me question life, my purpose , my mortality, it made me question myself as a whole . I felt very guilty after his death. I felt like I didn't spend enough time with him. Here I am investing time & emotion into someone who says they care about me but I don't sense it as opposed to spending time with someone I knew without a doubt cared and loved me. That's where I feel like i messed up . I know i shouldn't feel this way...

After my break up , I was extremely numb. I was so numb; the feelings of my friends and loved ones were irrelevant including my own. I just didn't care anymore . why would I? Why should I ? Everything I invested time and energy in just went down the drain. I didn't know how to cope. Luckily I had music 🎧🎼🎵 as a coping skill to get through the times & nights where I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I don't know how I would have coped without music . Music led to my increasingly interest in God ... The song "he saved me" by R.Kelly guided me in that direction. Heartbreaks aren't hard to heal, we just seek the wrong help. Only a Dr. can help heal a broken leg & only God can help heal a broken heart. I could relate to the song in so many ways. It opened up my eyes , it drew me closer to God . I wanted to build a relationship with God . Granted sinning was all I knew and my decision to repent/start over would be challenging but it was a chance I was cert...

As women we all dream of a stable , secure future with a man that will provide and care for his family. A man that will use his last breath to ensure that his family is secure In the event of his absence or untimely death. Don't let your past failed relationships deter you from that dream. Perfect Example : if someone gave you a wrinkled, crumpled , dirty $20 bill. does the fact that it's beaten up decrease it's value? No, the Same thing applies to you. Your worth doesn't depreciate due to your past failed relationships. Not knowing your worth takes away from everything God designed - Figure it on out. We all make mistakes , it's apart of life & growth. That dream will eventually become a reality. Just be patient and place your heart in God's hands and believe that he will give it to someone deserving of it.

I struggled for so long to come to terms with my break up, whenever i found myself in a good place. He would always finagle his way back into my life. I would of course let him back in because I LOVED HIM. He was taking advantage of my love for him.  He took me on a long bumpy emotional journey in which he had no plans of accompanying me.  He knew he had no intentions of being with me in the long run.  He abused my love, mentally and emotionally scarring me. I opened up my life and heart to this man and he took it for granted. My heart couldn't take much more abuse. I realized its quite absurd for me to allow my heart to be repeatedly broken in the same spot by the same person in the same breath. All i wanted was to shower him with love but he wanted to live the life of a bachelor. I have witnessed so many women overextend themselves for THAT man. The man they believe to be their soul mate or ideal man. Have you noticed that men never settle? A man will never settle for ...

Ladies , the signs are always evident. You either choose to recognize it or sweep it under the rug. Your refusal to admit something is off does have a snow ball effect... So beware !!!!!

If marriage isn't the goal then just stay single. you need to date with a purpose. Don't play "Wifey" until he makes you a wife . Any male can make a girl his girlfriend, but it takes a Real Man to make a woman his Wife. once you're in a union: you have 4 choices: Give up, Give in, Give it your all or Give it to God. DON'T claim a person that isn't claiming you  

There were numerous times where i would go to bed in tears as i listened to this song. I gradually realized that i cant cry over spilled milk. We both made mistakes during the relationship. I was willing to look past his, why couldn't he look past mine? You can't force love and you cant make them stay if they do not want to. Love goes where love is I FOUND LOVE AND GUESS WHO IT'S WITH ? I FOUND LOVE WITH MYSELF. I LEARNED TO LOVE MYSELF. ALL THE LOVE I WAS SEARCHING FOR , IT WAS WITHIN ALL ALONG. IT TOOK INTENSE/DEEP SOUL SEARCHING TO FIND IT BUT I'M GLAD I DID. EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER.  I shouldn't have walked away I would've stayed if you said We could've made everything OK But we just Threw the blame back and forth We treated love like a sport The final blow hit so low I'm still on the ground I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall Shattered in pieces curled on the floor Super natural love conquers all 'Member we us...

While you're sitting there hurting your Woman. There is someone else out there Praying/Wishing they had somebody just like her. you want to find yourself in a situation where the man says, "Come Over My Family Is Here & They Want To See You"....NOT With a man that says,"Come Over I Have The House All To Myself".  As Women , we do recognize the signs but for some odd reason we believe that we are not good enough and we are also impatient to wait on God's timing to provide us with our significant others. .  Place your heart in God's hands & He will place it in the hands of a man or woman who truly deserves it.  Ask yourself, "Why do I like someone that treats me like nothing? And what have I done to deserve everything they're doing to me? My answers: fear and  Absolutely Nothing. fear brings about unnecessary feelings . For instance: you're in a situation where you know deep down that its unhealthy/toxic but you're afraid to start...

When a male penguin falls in love with a female penguin, he searches the entire beach to find the perfect Pebble to present to her  " NEVER LET A MAN DESTROY YOUR LIFE! It might be hard to get over the man you love, but you won't know until you try. As women, we tend to continue relationships that destroy who we are – physically, socially and mentally .We give up our individuality, happiness, families, friends, pride, wealth and success- in order to satisfy the man in our lives. Lets face it girls, we are strong and can achieve so much without anyone's help, so why let someone destroy what you worked hard for? Let's appreciate, love and believe in ourselves. Elizabeth Nkau said: "I cooked and cleaned for him, stopped talking to all my male friends, came home early to him, bore a baby for him and what did I get? A promise to get married, which never happened, two other babies from another woman, a string of girlfriends calling his house and a D...

The second man was more than a fling , i loved them both, i couldn't let go of either. Number 1 had a hold on me , ask me what it is i loved ? i couldn't even tell you . i guess i was in love with the possibility of change. i was in love with his potential. I was finally experiencing love , something i had fantasized about for so long but i was getting it from the wrong person. I was now a cheater, Mister was not so forgiving. he broke things off. Of course i pleaded and begged for forgiveness but he couldn't look past it. It was a tough pill to swallow but it had to be done. My friends ask all the time " Do you miss your ex?' my response: I miss him but i miss my smile and happiness much more. I miss being secure. Its been a year or 2 since the break up and i am so much happier than i was during the 3 year span of our relationship. I found myself, i found love within myself. i realized that if they don't appreciate what you bring to the table then let them ...

i just wanted to be loved , another man caught my attention. a man that gave me all i wanted and more . i developed  feelings for this man. i like him . i began to engage in sexual activities with this man. It happened twice but it doesn't negate the fact that, i had become something that i couldn't stand. is it possible that i had become a cheater ? something i strongly despised. the shoe was now on the other foot but this other man  appeared to have my best interest at heart. he was a man that expressed his feelings, a man that showed me affection, a man that finally put me first.  A man that gave me something i had longed/yearned for. I was in love with two men, two complete opposites. Let me rephrase that : I was in love with number 1 but i loved how number 2 treated me. "Have you ever been in love with two people? No? Alright don't do it. Ever. It's the worst. It's complicated. That's the only explanation you can come up with to make yourself feel be...

The journey continued.............. i found myself being very depressed, sad and questioning my decision to walk away. i knew it was for the best but i also lost the only man i ever knew. Growing up, i didn't have a male figure in my life. my siblings and i were raised by our grandmother and mother. My mother struggled with her marriage to our father, she eventually raised us a single mother since my father decided he was no longer cut out to be a dad. The years went by and i found my confidence/self esteem gradually building back up. i became a serial dater but there was no emotions/ feelings involved nor invested. i had a wall up; that wall was up for legitimate/valid reasons of course. When i found myself catching feelings, i had to break things off or chase them away. I became very good at manipulating all situations as well as pushing pass their limits. I told myself I'd leave before i got left ....I wouldn't engage in any sexual activities with them it was all about c...